Letters to God 6/9/25 I'm Angry

     God, I'm angry. And scared.  But mostly angry.  I know it's okay to be angry as long as I don't let it lead me to sin - but I don't like this feeling.  I'm so full of rage and fury.  I want to punch something, or destroy something, or get on my treadmill and run twenty miles.  

The latter I am currently unable to do - especially with the bronchitis.  The former I won't do.   But that leaves me feeling stuck.  What do I do with these feelings?  How do I let them dissipate?

   What are you so angry about, daughter?  I'm here and I'm listening.

    For starters, I'm angry with Steve for cheating and pursuing divorce.  I still love him.  I wanted forever with him and I'm so mad and hurt 

   That makes sense.  It's okay to be angry that he broke his promises to us both and hurt you!  Even in your pain, daughter, never forget that I love you.    What else are you angry about?

   I'm angry at my body.  At how it fails me daily with these horrible diseases.  That's why Steve left me. Because I am too complicated and too much trouble.  I'd leave this body too, if I could.

 Daughter, you are wrong.  He didn't leave you because you're complicated.  That's just an excuse.  If you weren't chronically ill, he'd have found another excuse.  He refuses to face his pain and deal with it, so he's always looking for the next fix that will help him forget for a while.

You're right, God.  I see that now.  

 Understanding it doesn't make it right, or take the sting out of it, I know.  But he is my child and I do love him.  You wouldn't be so hurt and angry if you didn't also love him.

That's true.  so how do I forgive him and make it stop hurting?

You do it by relying on My strength, to choose to forgive, even when it's hard and you don't feel like it.  Steve isn't the only person you need to forgive, nor is he the most difficult for you.  You need to forgive yourself for the things you've done and just think you've done wrong. 

Do I really have to forgive myself?  Isn't forgiving everyone else what you meant when you commanded us to forgive one another? 

Daughter, you know that I also mean that forgiveness is for you.  Choose to forgive yourself.  DAILY.  You told me that you want to learn to love yourself.  That starts with forgiveness.  Do you think you can do that?

Only because I want to be obedient to you. 

Good!  Now, write out the choices that you are going to make daily.  Start with five and we'll build from there.  Then write them on a notecard and put them on your mirror.  Repeat them multiple times each day until they are automatic.  

 Okay.  I choose joy.  I choose forgiveness.  I choose praise.  I choose love.  I choose worship.

Oh Daughter, most of these come easy to you, but to start the habit, I'll let you start with these.  This week just repeating them several times a day is fine.   Next week I wan t you to put them into daily practice so you can tell Me about it.

Okay.  I can do that.  I'll also write them in my planner at the start of each week.  THANK YOU SO MUCH, Gpd, for listening and loving me and turning my mood around.  I love you so much I'm overflowing.

I love you too, Daughter.

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