Letters to God 1-13-25

 Dear God,

    I don't like the cycles of grief!  Why can't I just work through each one and then be done?  I had been doing fairly well - not crying every day, minimal panic attacks, leaning more on You, writing, an discovering more about myself.  

    Today, however, I've been a little more angry and sad and on the verge of tears.  I wonder if the lesson for this week's grief group triggered me?  It's on guilt.  I haven't journaled it out yet.      Maybe it's the full moon?   Maybe it's my mast cells howling at the full moon?  Maybe it's just grief.  I don't know.  I don't like it, but I know that I have to sit with my feelings and feel them.  In Untangle Your Emotions by Jennie Allen, I'm learning that my feelings come from You - even the ones I don't like.  I don't like anger or sadness.   I'm learning that I most often *cope* with my emotions using food (since I can't currently jump on my treadmill and run 20 miles), but You have been working with me on that.

   Today I took another step in this mess called separating.  I offered Hunter half of my bed (a Purple split king with 2 adjustable frames and 2 mattresses).  He needs it.  I don't.  The thought of that is really breaking me, though I know it's a necessary step in this mess.     This sucks cacti, God.  Please come sit with me in the hurt and help me process it.

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