Letters to God 7-17-24

Dear God,

Sometimes the urge to punch something or throw a screaming fir is almost overwhelming.  I need to release my pent up anger, fear, rage, anxiety and heartbreak before they consume me.  I used to be able to jump on my treadmill and run it off, or swing kettlebells & dumbbells, or do Les Mills Combat.  Now, my body betrayed me and I physically can't.  I want to go hiking, but only on  rare occasions do the stars align to make that safe.  Even sitting in the yard is not without risks from the sun or pollen or getting stung.  The more my body takes away, the more anger and despair I feel.  I am feeling betrayed by Steve and am being mentally and emotionally abused by his use of fear.  That's hard to admit.  I NEVER thought he would be like that - especially after knowing my past, going to counselling and seeing it firsthand from my parents, sister, and Bud.  I am 100% dependent on him for our home and all of the bills.  Him not living here since January is hard and scary, but not as scary as the person he's turned into.  I feel trapped - by my body, my C-PTSD, my husband adding more trauma.  I need to write a poem about that and use this as a chapter in my book.  The only thing keeping me sane is knowing that this world is temporary and my real home is in heaven, but not until God is ready for me.  Until then, I'll fight the enemy and keep doing whatever God asks of me.  

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